Friday, August 10, 2007

Harry Potter Titles to Surprise JK Rowling

A few weeks ago I wrote about Chinese counterfeiters having a field day with Harry Potter, not just pirating copies of JK Rowling's books, but even writing their own stories of the boy wizard's adventures.

ADDITIONAL HP titles in China, include these:

  • Harry Potter and the Leopard-Walk- Up-to-Dragon

  • Harry Potter and the Chinese Porcelain Doll

  • Harry Potter and the Waterproof Pearl

  • Harry Potter and the Half-Blooded Relative Prince

  • Harry Potter and the Big Funnel

  • Harry Potter and Platform Nine and Three-Quarters

  • Harry Potter and the Chinese Overseas Students at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

The plots are hilarious. This is the gist of Harry Potter and the Chinese Porcelain Doll:

Harry Potter learns that Mysterious Man (Voldemort) is going to China to persuade his rival Yandomort to attack Harry as well as the Western magic world. Harry decides to find Chinese Porcelain Doll, who could beat Yandomort in China. On a passenger steamer, Harry makes friends with Long Long and Xing Xing, who are part of a Chinese circus. It turns out that Naughty Bubble, the boy who usually bullied Xing Xing at the circus, was Yandomort. After Voldemort killed Naughty Bubble’s mother, Big Spinach, he took Naughty Bubble as his disciple, and taught him black magic to make him become Yandomort.

in Harry Potter and the Leopard-Walk- Up-to-Dragon, Harry becomes a fat, hairy dwarf after being caught in a “sour and sweet rain”; he loses all his magic and can get it back only by obtaining the magic ring. After he does, Harry becomes a dragon that fights evil. Voldemort has an even more powerful brother who makes trouble for Harry.


"Harry doesn’t know how long it will take to wash the sticky cake off his face. For a civilized young man, it is disgusting to have dirt on any part of his body. He lies in the elegant bathtub, keeps wiping his face, and thinks about Dudley’s face, which is as fat as Aunt Petunia’s bottom."

Any ideas for more Harry Potter stories? Submit a title and synopsis in the comments!

This could be a lot of fun.

As for the titles above, read all the plot summaries and some excerpts in this New York Times op-ed article, Memo to the Dept. of Magical Copyright Enforcement.

[Disclosure: I'm not a HP fan, not in the least. Tried my best to read the books but failed, and slept through the movies (had to take the kids!). Many have told me I'm missing out on a great story. For now, I'll just have to suffer this terrible, self-inflicted deprivation.]

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